I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
