When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
