you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
