ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
