is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize