And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
