YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
