She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
