every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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