DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
