I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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