I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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