I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
