I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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