I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
