I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
