My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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