I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
