i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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