AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
