The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
