who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
