Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
