So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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