He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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