Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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