I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
