U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
