Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
