if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
