Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize