I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
