forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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