We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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