The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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