I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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