I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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