You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
