I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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