so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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