Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
