How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
