Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
