I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
