I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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