Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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