So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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