As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
