he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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