I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
