I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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