I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
