I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
