I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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