I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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