who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
