It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
