what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
