You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
