I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
