He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
