This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
