whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
