I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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