The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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