Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
