things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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