You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All the doctor said was why
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
