the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
