it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
