Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
