Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
