my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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