why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
