I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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