things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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