so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I supernannyed him into submission
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
