So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
