dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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